Another Imperfection

Today the enemy of my soul got in my face. And he verbally explained all the reason I should be upset with God, upset with life, and upset about where I am in life. He told me I wasn't pretty enough, good enough, smart enough, wise enough, and even lovable enough.

obviously if someone's name is LIAR then that is exactly what they are. But despite all those lies, there is one lie he can always get me with. And lie I will not disclose because it is personal. However, I was thinking that lie had to come from somewhere. There is a reason why I'd believe a lie over and over again... and the reason is b/c it has to do with my own mindset.

and my mindset has been--- that I'm upset with God about something. I think I've been upset for a long time. I think part of the problem is that I haven't seen God be faithful in one aspect of my life. And in that aspect I must chooooooseeeee to believe that he is who he says he is, and that God is faithful. That is hard. I had to tell the LOVE OF MY LIFE that I don't fully trust him and that's isn't easy to say to someone you are madly in love with. But alas, it's true.

anyways, I guess I'm just saying that I didn't realize that I had a problem with some of God's choices in my life. I'm disappointed and hurt. But, I guess that shouldn't matter.... I have to live by faith and not by sight. I just want to know that he has something good for me.... and it's hard to believe. WHICH IT SHOULDN'T BE!!!!!!!! BECAUSE HE'S DONE SO MUCH FOR ME!!!!!!!!

I always told God that if I could stamp one name on his forehead it would be the word "Faithful" and one of my favorite verses is Rev. 19:11 which states, "I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and wages war."


anyways, I say all that to say that there are different aspects of our lives. and it's not easy to put trust in God sometimes. especially when we haven't seen him move--- AT ALL. but he's true, and faithful, and good. and that is what I have to believe. despite how i feel or the enemies lies.

but I cried for a long time about it.... literally cried. like tears. and I think he cried with me.