Hey Everyone! I am a barista in Downtown Dayton, Ohio. I am doing this on the side while working on my third book.
Here is the deal: we all love a good cup of coffee, and many of us regularly visit coffee shops. I am sure you have had the occasional overly nice or overly rude barista, and below are listed some of the reasons you may have walked away happy or discontent. The barista world is booming with personality, but with that comes some strong thoughts on the things we appreciate and scorn. I hope you enjoy the list below, and remember to love on your barista!
1.
Don’t ask what is on
the menu. Find the menu—it’s not that complicated. Read it.
2.
If you enter the coffee shop and start your
sentence with, “I hate coffee...” You will immediately be scorned by everyone
behind the counter.
3.
Barista’s love a
customer with a refined palate. If you want to impress your barista ask if any
of their coffees have a fruity undertone and say a specific fruit.
4.
Don’t make jokes about
giving tips to help them keep their job. We are getting paid per hour without
your tip.
5.
If you decide you want
to change your order after your drink is made—order that drink next time, not
this time.
6.
Be aware that I (most
baristas) know the coffee facts; if you insult me, don’t expect a good latte or
a friendly smile.
7.
Compliment my latte
art! It’s hard to do—if I do it well—say something!
8.
If you throw your
money on the counter, the initial joy of serving you turns to pure disgust.
9.
If you come in on your
cell phone and point to everything you want and continue to hold up the line, I
cannot be held responsible if your drink is wrong.
10. Don’t be picky. Enough said.
11. Don’t ask me how many calories are in your drink.
I’ll solve that for you right now—300-500 calories. SKIM MILK CAN’T CHANGE
THAT.
12. Even if I see you all the time, be humble
enough to still say what you want. Many people come in a day, you are simply
one of those many.
13. Don’t act like a child. A coffee house is NOT
a candy shop. If you are mad about us not having a peanut butter cookie, then
go to Walmart.
14. I can tell if you are on a date. And I can
tell how it’s going.
15. Don’t ask me to see the cup size—you know what
12 oz. is…
16. If I tell you we can’t make something, then
don’t beg for it. We can’t make it.
17. Number
16 might be a lie. If you are nice enough and come in often enough we can make
miracles happen.
18. If I ask you to leave because we are closed.
Please LEAVE. We will remember that you didn’t the next time you come in.
19. I am not your therapist. Although I do enjoy
friendly conversation. I can’t fix your divorce settlements.
20. If you
allow your children to run around screaming in the coffee shop, you will be
mean-mugged until you leave.
21. A spilled drink? That’s okay, happens all the
time. Don’t apologize over and over. We spill drinks all day.
22. Go ahead and order a skinny, sugar free
Hazelnut, one pump regular vanilla, three shot, little bit of caramel on the
top, one squirt of whip cream, at temperature 110, with two ice-cubes. You
won’t drop anything on us we haven’t heard before. So stop being impressed with yourself, before
I smack that snide look on your face.
23. If you want to watch movies in the coffee shop—wait,
don’t watch movies in a coffee shop. Go home. Read a book in a coffee shop.
24. This is not Europe. Clear your table, hoe.
25. A cappuccino is not 12 oz, 16 oz, or 20 oz. Get it together and know your stuff.
26. Lastly, you will know your barista loves you
if they greet you with an authentic smile and pick on you. If they don’t do
that and you go there all the time—you’re on the coffee house hit list (aka we
want to kick you out list).
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