Authentic Affection

Life is so crazy. Sometimes choices are hard because I'm unsure of God's perfect will, and I get lost in the idea of "Meant to be." I hate that term because I feel like we want to believe that as humans, but them doubt floods in and I start thinking about free will, and how that affects what happens in our lives. And therefore, I get a little confused about some things and I wonder about things that no one would understand anyways. So, I keep it in. And since I only use this blog to talk to myself and remember some things I wrote... I suppose it doesn't matter what I say on here. I wish there was a person who understood me. I thought I found someone like that, but.... people come and go I suppose. and then I'm left with just me and God--- and that is the most beautiful relationship ever! I wouldn't trade it... but, life can be semi-lonely at times. I just want to travel the world with God... that's all I really want. I wrote something this morning. I don't think it makes sense to anyone but me. but I don't have my file to save it... so I'll post it here:



No one defeats me,
when God completes me.
Evil can not attain my life,
When it's hidden in the love of Christ,

and I'm not afraid of radical romance
I'm pursuing authentic affection
I know love is found in his correction
I'm drowning in my desire to know the King.
He's the perfecter of my faith, he's my everything.

No situation can tear me down,
when God peace I have found
nothing can make me afraid
I've found that God has stayed

and I'm not afraid of radical romance
I'm pursuing authentic affection
I know love is found in his correction
I'm drowning in my desire to know the King.
He's the perfecter of my faith, he's my everything.

How it is, Yo! How it is...

God is my lover, and He's my King
He gives me all the insight that I need.
He'll direct me. I need not worry.
People are always in such a flippin' hurry!
I hate it! What if we wait? Just wait it out...
and stop trying to map God on our human route!
Wait, just wait and see how he wants to move.
the whole world gets lost in a selfish groove.
why are we so quick to make a decision?
it will make us loose sight, and loose the vision!
If we are always in a flippin' rush
we will miss the quiet moments, the heavenly crush
that we feel when we just slow it down,
and talk to God like he's the only one around.
We will miss out, we will miss out on the romance with Christ,
if we put all our energy into this meanlingless life
I want to pour myself out for eternal things!
like the salvation of the lost, and the joy that love brings!
I'm over it! People just move too quick
and light the flame too fast and ruin the candle stick.
I don't wanna rush God, I don't wanna take a leap
out into nowhere. He should be in the lead.
I'm over it! I'm over answering everyone's questions
maybe I need waiting time to learn some valuable lessons.
So I'm laying it down, I'm laying all of it down.
I'm waiting for God voice-- his beautiful sound.
It wouldn't matter if I traveled to the ends of the earth
if he doesn't want me there, then I've lost all worth!
cause I'm only here to do what he wills my life for!
and he hasn't spoken yet, so I'll wait some more.
He's the curve in my smile, he's the rest in my sleep.
and without him my life can't mean anything.
So I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting.

When I believe that God loves me

I've been talking to God a lot today about my future. And I'm finding that I could laugh and have a good day and smile instead of feeling worried, anxious and gloomy about what's to come. The Lord has been dealing with me about trusting him, and I see that if I trust him, I don't have to worry, I don't have to figure it all out, and I don't have to try and make things happen in my life. HE IS MY LEADER. Ever since I've returned from Peru, I've had fear. I don't know why exactly, but I've been somewhat afraid. Afraid of losing, maybe. But, anyways, I don't know how to explain how I feel... all I know is this:

Lord,
because you love me
I trust you.
You're the everything that I desire
and I trust you.
You hold me and you don't let go;
I trust you.
You tell me things I do not know,
and I trust you.

I trust you because you do good things,
I trust you because your promises come to pass.
But most of all I trust you because you have good plans,
and because your plans are perfect, and they are for my good.
They are for my good because you love me!

Because you love me,
I trust you.

I trust you because you hold me
I trust you because you mold me
you mold me into someone beautiful
and I can't imagine being with anyone else than you.

I trust you.
And if I trust you,
then I'm okay with whatever life brings.

I trust you

because I believe that you love me,

and I believe that you care.

I trust you,

because you love me.

We Don't Want to Stop Talking

This is just something I wrote.

it leapt out of my heart, and then out of my throat.

We Don't Want to Stop Talking
by: Me. ;)

If only one person knows my heart than I am fine,
I call him my Beloved, and he calls me "mine."
And I love that when he says my name
I am healed from my brokeness, and free from my pain.

Then I'm not worried anymore about what others believe!
He's the everything I want and the everything I need.
He's my lover and my God and I desire to be his friend;
there's nothing in my life that his hand can not mend.

I've seen him move with power, and I've heard him weep.
I know that he is gracious, and I believe his love is deep--
deeper than the unknown places of the world
deeper than the waters in this wandering girl.

Oh, He's beautiful. Yeah, I call him beautiful! He is Grace!
I call him Perfect Maker, I beckon him to this place
where I am. I want him right where I am
I want to sit with him and chat until the A.M
I want to sit with him and chat until the P.M
until we loose track of time--then it's A.M again!!!!

And that's what he is to me--- the best friend I adore.
Whatever good you can think of--he is even more.
So much more, so much stronger than the enemies sweet talk
sometimes when I wake up, I just want to take a walk

and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk with my King.
until words just aren't enough so I burst out and sing
"I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! you're real!"
come and take me over until you are all I feel!
all that I feel inside my heart, so I can outpour with love,
oh dear God, you're all I'm asking for, you are enough."

I want to spread his kindness and I want to spread his truth
so then I cry out "Father! make me just like you!!!"
And he does, and he does, because he is faithful.
And he blesses, and he loves me, because he is able.
And so when people ask me, everyday, if I am fine...
I say "Yes! because the King looks at me and says 'she's mine'".

I am his! I am his! I am his! I am his! I am his!!
and the most powerful movement in the world is his kiss.

A song of my heart

This morning I wrote a song to be sung by two people--- It's a song between Jesus and His people. It's a song about the communication we have with God and what he wants to tell us, and then it's the realization that he is all we could ever want. When the song says H it's the human talking and G is God....

I hope you enjoy it! I wish I could sing it for you... it's better sung. I still might change some stuff in the second verse... but this is what it is right now:

Close

Verse 1:
Human: life can be a trial
it's strips away my smile
and all my sorrows drown me
and I can't see where you are

God: oh but child I'm right here
and I just caught every tear
and I'm wanting you to see
that you're not alone. I am close

Human: Oh How close are you?

God: Close enough to know
each thought and each yearn
so ask me what you you long for
tell me for what you burn


Chorus:

H: I long for a love that doesn't fail
G: I'll hold you on this trail
H: a love that doesn't fade
G: I promise I'll never turn away
H: a love that never hurts
G: do you know how much your worth?
I will never ever harm
just lean into my arms.
H: I lean into your heart
and I hear the beat of love.
Human and God: you are all I want.

Verse 2:

Human: Can't wait to spend the day
hearing what you say
taking a walk in the fields
waiting for you to reveal

God: reavel the love that overflows
I can't wait to bless you life
I can't wait to see you face to face
to place your hand in mine

Human: Yes. I believe you love me
I believe in the cross
but more than that I believe you are close.

God: How close?

Human: Close enough to know
your the desire of my soul
and all I'm asking for

Chorus:
H: is a love a love that doesn't fail
G: I'll hold you on this trail
H: a love that doesn't fade
G: I promise I'll never turn away
H: a love that never hurts
G: do you know how much your worth?
I will never ever harm
just lean into my arms.
H: I lean into your heart
and I hear the beat of love.
Human and God: you are all I want.


Bridge:
Human and God: there's so much to look forward to
and I'm waiting waiting just for you
to get to hold you in my arms
there so much to come
and I want to be the one
who gets to see your whole heart

Chorus:
H: I want a love that doens't fail....

GH: You are all I want....